Left alone?

Sour in relationship

 It can be tough when the people closest to us don't seem to be responsive or caring in the way we need them to be. Here are some suggestions for steps you can take to improve your family dynamics:

1. Effective Communication: Sometimes people may not realize how their behavior is affecting others. Start by expressing your feelings openly, but remember to do so without blaming or criticizing. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel unappreciated when..." or "I feel hurt when..." This allows you to express your feelings without sounding accusatory.

2. Listen Actively: Show your family you're interested in their perspectives. When they're speaking, really listen without interrupting. Reflect back what they've said to ensure you've understood it correctly. This makes people feel heard and understood.

3. Spend Quality Time Together: Try to arrange activities that the whole family can enjoy together. This can foster closeness and mutual respect. Make sure to pay attention to everyone's interests when planning activities.

4. Show Affection: Show your family you love them through small gestures of affection. This can be a pat on the back, a hug, or simply saying "I love you."

5. Ask for What You Need: If you want more affection, don't be afraid to ask for it. Your family members might not realize you're feeling neglected.

6. Be Patient: Change takes time. Don't expect your family dynamics to change overnight.

7. Seek Professional Help: Family therapy can provide a safe space to express feelings, address issues, and learn effective communication strategies.

Remember, it's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding. Your husband/wife and children have feelings and needs too, and it might take time and patience to improve your family dynamics. But with open communication, understanding, and maybe even some professional help, things can get better.

Are you bored of this life?

Getting bored of Life?

It's never too late to make changes in your life and pursue new interests or goals. Here are some suggestions:

1. Learn Something New: Try to find something that interests you, and make a commitment to learn about it. It could be a musical instrument, a foreign language, painting, coding, or anything else that you've always wanted to try. Not only will this give you a new focus, but it can also provide a sense of accomplishment.

2. Travel: Seeing new places, experiencing different cultures, and meeting diverse people can bring excitement and novelty to your life. It could be a road trip, a cruise, or a backpacking journey.

3. Physical Activity: Start a new fitness regimen. It might be running, cycling, yoga, or joining a gym. Regular physical activity is not only good for your health, but it also has a positive effect on your mood and energy levels.

4. Volunteer: Volunteering your time to a cause you believe in can be very fulfilling. It's a way to give back, meet like-minded people, and feel connected to your community.

5. Connect with People: If you're feeling isolated, consider joining a club or group related to your interests. This can be a book club, a hiking group, a hobbyist group, etc. It's a good way to meet new people and make friends.

6. Change Your Job/Career: If your work is a source of your boredom, you might consider switching jobs or even careers. It's never too late to follow a path you're passionate about.

7. Go Back to School: You could pursue a higher degree or simply take classes in an area you're interested in. Learning keeps the brain active and engaged.

8. Meditation and Mindfulness: Incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine can help manage stress and improve overall well-being.

9. Write a Book/Blog: Share your experiences, ideas or stories. Writing can be therapeutic and a way to connect with others.

10. Adopt a Pet: If it's feasible for you, consider getting a pet. Pets provide companionship and a sense of responsibility.

What's most important is finding something that resonates with you. You're at an age where you have plenty of experience and knowledge to draw upon but still have many productive years ahead. It's a great time to explore what makes you happy and fulfilled

Are you a gaslighter?

What is gas lighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group of people subtly or overtly manipulates someone else's perception of reality. The term "gaslighting" originated from a play called "Gas Light" and later a movie adaptation, both of which portrayed a husband who manipulated his wife into believing she was going insane by dimming the gas lights in their home.

In the context of psychological manipulation, gaslighting typically involves tactics such as:

1. Denial: The gaslighter may deny certain events or experiences, making the victim doubt their own memory or perception of reality.

2. Discrediting: Gaslighters may undermine the victim's credibility or make them doubt their own abilities, making them feel inadequate or incapable.

3. Withholding information: Gaslighters may deliberately withhold information or selectively provide it, causing confusion and making the victim rely on them for clarification.

4. Shifting blame: Gaslighters may shift the blame onto the victim, making them feel guilty or responsible for the gaslighter's actions or behavior.

5. Manipulative behaviors: Gaslighters may engage in manipulative behaviors, such as creating doubt, sowing seeds of confusion, or subtly coercing the victim to question their own reality.

Gaslighting can occur in various contexts, including personal relationships, workplace settings, or even in larger societal or political environments. The aim is to undermine the victim's confidence, control their behavior, and maintain power over them.

It's important to recognize gaslighting behaviors and, if experiencing them, seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals.

Doing it right.

A 3-year-old boy was trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, or giving him a lecture, or punishing him, said, 

"Aarav, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?" 

Indeed, he did. 

After a few minutes, his mother said, 

"You know, Aarav, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which one do you prefer?" 

He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk. 

His mother then said, 

"You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the backyard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it."

The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it.

#Reflections  

🍁Positive Perspective: 

Next time an unexpected challenge arises, choose understanding over blame. Approach with positivity and see it as an opportunity to learn and innovate.

🍁Ownership & Solutions: 

When setbacks occur, involve those at the heart of the issue. Working together often leads to the best solutions.

🍁Seek Alternatives: 

Encourage your team to delve into the "why" behind mistakes, and brainstorm alternatives. This proactive approach helps prevent recurrence and fosters creativity.

🍁Safe Environment: 

Foster a culture where making mistakes is not feared, but rather viewed as a stepping stone to acquiring new knowledge.

🍁Continuous Learning: 

Remember, with every action there's feedback. The more challenges we face, the more we learn, adapt, and grow.

~

#WisdomShots

Sreejith Krishnan

#SrKchoiceOfGreatTakeaways

#GreatTakeawaysBySrikantKanoi

Source: Facebook

Do you have a fantasy?

Human fantasy

Human fantasies can greatly differ from person to person and are shaped by individual personalities, experiences, interests, and desires. However, some common themes seem to recur across many people's fantasies. Here are a few:

1. Adventures and Excitement: Many people fantasize about exciting adventures or scenarios they'd love to experience, such as traveling the world, going on a wild safari, or exploring outer space.

2. Romantic Relationships: Some fantasies revolve around romantic and intimate scenarios, such as finding a soulmate, having a perfect date, or sharing a romantic getaway with a significant other.

3. Achievements and Success: Many people dream of achieving great things, such as winning an award, being recognized for their work, or achieving a significant career goal.

4. Power and Influence: Some individuals may fantasize about having power and influence over others, such as being a famous celebrity, a world leader, or a successful entrepreneur.

5. Wealth and Luxury: Fantasies about immense wealth, luxurious lifestyles, and extravagant possessions are also quite common.

6. Physical Abilities and Superpowers: Many people fantasize about having special physical abilities or superpowers, such as being able to fly, becoming invisible, or having incredible strength.

7. Reinventing Themselves: Some people may fantasize about being someone else, changing their appearance, or living a different life entirely.

8. Escapism: Sometimes, people fantasize about escaping their current situation or life, perhaps to a peaceful countryside, a quiet beach, or a magical fantasy world.

9. Health and Longevity: Fantasies about perfect health, immortality, or longevity are also common, particularly among people who may be dealing with health issues.

10. Sexual Fantasies: Human beings often have sexual fantasies that can range widely in nature, encompassing a variety of scenarios, dynamics, and practices.

Everyone's fantasies are unique to them, and this list is not exhaustive. It's important to note that many fantasies are just that—fantasies—and may not reflect desires for real-world experiences. They can be a healthy way to explore one's desires, hopes, and dreams. However, if a person's fantasies cause distress or harm, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional.

Am i worthy?

Improve self worth

Improving your self-worth is a journey that requires commitment, self-reflection, and patience. Here are some suggestions to help you enhance your self-worth:

1. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes or when things don't go as planned. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that it's part of the learning process.

2. Set healthy boundaries: It's important to recognize your needs and ensure they are being met. This can include standing up for yourself, saying no when you need to, and distancing yourself from toxic situations or people.

3. Celebrate your accomplishments: No matter how small they may seem, it's important to acknowledge your achievements and progress. This can help build confidence and reinforce your abilities.

4. Practice self-care: This can include a range of activities that make you feel good, from eating healthy, exercising, meditating, to spending time in nature or engaging in hobbies you love.

5. Set realistic goals: Goals give us a sense of direction and purpose. Make sure they are attainable and personally meaningful. Celebrate when you achieve them.

6. Engage in positive self-talk: Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. If your self-talk is usually negative, work on shifting it to a more positive tone. Would you say those things to a friend? If not, then you shouldn't say them to yourself.

7. Surround yourself with positive influences: Spend time with people who lift you up, make you feel good about yourself, and support your growth.

8. Seek professional help: Sometimes, improving self-worth may require the help of a professional, like a psychologist or a counselor, especially if feelings of low self-worth persist.

9. Continuous learning: Always be open to learning and growing. This can come from books, courses, podcasts, mentors, and experiences. Learning can boost your confidence and self-worth.

10. Practice gratitude: Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can shift your focus from what's wrong in your life to what's going well.

Remember, building self-worth takes time, and it's okay to have ups and downs. The key is to keep moving forward, even if it's a small step at a time.

Who am I?

It's true that identity seeking, or the process of trying to understand who we are, can sometimes lead to a confused state of mind. This is a natural part of self-discovery and growth.

Our identities are not stagnant, but rather they evolve over time based on our experiences, relationships, values, beliefs, culture, and personal reflections. This can lead to confusion as we grapple with different aspects of who we are and how we fit into the world. We may experience cognitive dissonance when our beliefs, actions, or values don't align, or we may feel unsure about the roles we play in different settings (e.g., at home, at work, or in social circles).

However, this confusion is not necessarily a negative state. It can signal a period of exploration and growth. As Carl Jung, the famed Swiss psychiatrist, once said, "The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." This suggests that the journey to understanding and accepting our identities is indeed challenging, but also crucial for our psychological development and wellbeing.

To navigate this confusion, it can be helpful to:

1. Practice self-compassion: It's okay to not have all the answers and to feel confused at times. This is part of being human.

2. Reflect on personal values and beliefs: Understanding what is important to us can guide our actions and decisions.

3. Seek professional help if needed: Therapists, counselors, and coaches can provide support and guidance during this process.

4. Mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help us stay present and reduce the stress associated with uncertainty.

5. Engage in open conversations: Discussing your feelings and thoughts with trusted friends, family, or mentors can provide different perspectives and shared experiences.

Remember, everyone goes through periods of self-doubt and identity confusion at various points in their life. It's a common part of the human experience, and navigating through it can lead to deeper self-understanding and personal growth.

Emotions, are you weak?

Showing emotions, are you weak?

This perspective may stem from cultural or societal norms that equate emotional expression with vulnerability or weakness, especially in contexts where toughness or stoicism is valued. However, this is a limited and outdated understanding of emotional intelligence.

Emotions are a fundamental part of being human and play a crucial role in our decision-making processes, interpersonal relationships, and overall well-being. Expressing emotions can, in fact, show strength—it indicates self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to connect with others on a deeper level. It's also a sign of authenticity and honesty, as it demonstrates the courage to show true feelings despite potential judgment or criticism.

Remember, vulnerability isn't synonymous with weakness. It takes strength to be open and authentic, particularly when facing difficult emotions. In this sense, showing emotions can be seen as a sign of emotional maturity and strength, rather than weakness.

Guitar Right tension, Not too tight or Not too loose

Guitar Right tension :

Not too loose,

Not too tight...

A metaphor that represents finding balance in life or any pursuit, akin to tuning a musical instrument like a guitar.

If the string is too loose, it won't produce the right sound. It implies lack of discipline, structure, or effort. In life, if we are too lax or complacent about our wishes and dreams, we might never take the necessary steps to achieve them.

Conversely, if the string is too tight, it might snap. This symbolizes excessive stress, overworking, or obsessiveness. In life, being overly rigid or pushing oneself relentlessly towards a goal without rest or flexibility can lead to burnout, stress, and might even damage relationships or health.

Just as a musical instrument plays the most harmonious music when the tension in its strings is just right, in life, we should aim for a balance between effort and ease, discipline and relaxation, ambition and contentment. It means pursuing our wishes with commitment and tenacity, but also taking the time to relax, recuperate, and enjoy the journey.

Some of the similar Metaphors are given below:

1. Walking a Tightrope: Imagine a tightrope walker. If the rope is too slack, they won't be able to maintain balance and will fall off. If it's too tense, the rope may snap under their weight. Similarly, in life, we must maintain a balance between striving for our wishes and not overstretching ourselves to the point of breaking.

2. Sailing a Boat: Picture sailing on a sea. If the sail is too loose, it won't catch enough wind and the boat won't move. If it's pulled too tight, it could tip the boat over. Similarly, achieving our desires requires the right balance between effort and ease.

3. Gardening: If you overwater a plant, it may drown and die, but if you under-water it, the plant may wilt and die of thirst. Similarly, in the pursuit of our wishes, we must apply just the right amount of effort, not too much and not too little.

4. Cooking: If a meal is undercooked, it can be unappetizing or even unsafe, but if it's overcooked, it can become inedible. In life, we must strive to give our dreams the right "cooking time", knowing when to persevere and when to rest.

Each of these metaphors emphasizes the necessity of balance in our pursuits, much like the original metaphor of the string tension. We need to exert the right amount of effort to reach our wishes, without tipping over into the extremes of overexertion or apathy.

What do you wish for?

Wishes can be seen as a reflection of our deepest desires and aspirations. They act as the compass that directs our actions and decisions towards certain goals. On a psychological level, wishes are important as they inspire hope, motivation, and a sense of purpose. They can be as simple as wanting a good day or as complex as aiming for profound societal changes. However, wishes alone don't guarantee achievement. It requires concerted effort, resilience, and sometimes a bit of luck to transform these wishes into reality. Furthermore, the act of wishing also brings up philosophical and moral questions, like the responsible use of one's desires and understanding the potential consequences of their realization

Wishes encompass a broad spectrum of human desires, hopes, and dreams. They are integral to our existence, serving multiple roles.

1. Guidance: Wishes often provide a direction for our actions and aspirations. For instance, a wish to become a successful writer might guide one to study literature, practice writing daily, or even pursue a career in journalism or publishing.

2. Motivation and Drive: Wishes serve as a source of motivation. They drive us to strive, overcome obstacles, and persist in the face of adversity. They ignite passion and provide the energy needed to embark on new adventures or face challenges.

3. Emotional Health: Wishes contribute to our emotional health by giving us hope and something to look forward to. They can bring joy and excitement into our lives, even when the wish is as simple as hoping for good weather on a day out.

4. Social Bonds: Shared wishes can foster unity and collective action. This can be seen in movements advocating for social change, where a collective wish for justice, equality, or peace motivates individuals to work together.

However, wishes can also be double-edged swords. Not all wishes lead to positive outcomes when realized. Sometimes, what we wish for might not be what's best for us or for others. Additionally, fixating on a wish without making active efforts towards its realization might lead to frustration and disappointment. Therefore, it's important to balance our wishes with a clear understanding of reality and the effort needed to achieve them.

Everyone has got limitations

Each individual has a unique perspective shaped by personal experiences, beliefs, cultures, and cognitive capabilities. As such, it's impossible for anyone to fully understand another person or the world exactly as someone else does.

For instance, when it comes to understanding you, individuals might only perceive you through their own cognitive lenses - their biases, experiences, and contexts. They might not grasp all your thoughts, emotions, or intentions accurately. In a similar way, people's understanding of the world is limited by their knowledge, exposure, and cognitive abilities. One person's perception of reality can greatly differ from another's based on these variables.

Understanding this can promote empathy, tolerance, and patience in interpersonal relationships. It also underscores the importance of clear communication, because what seems self-evident to you might not be apparent to others.

இவ்ளோதானா, உன் பிரச்சனை?

 ஒரு தந்தையிடம் மகன் தனக்கு ஏதேனும் ஒரு துன்பமோ அல்லது மனக்கவலையோ ஏற்படும் போது வந்து கலங்கி நிற்பான். அப்போது அவனது பிரச்சனையைக் கேட்ட பின் தந்தை ஒரே வார்த்தையில் இவ்ளோதானா? உன் பிரச்சனை எல்லாம் சரியாகிடும் என்பார். 

அவனுக்கும் சில நாட்களில் அந்த பிரச்சனையோ துன்பமோ இல்லாது போய்விடும். அந்த மகனும் வளர்ந்தான். தந்தைக்கும் வயதானது அவரது மகன் தற்போதெல்லாம் எந்த பிரச்சனை வந்தாலும் தந்தையிடம் சிரித்துக் கொண்டே சொல்ல ஆரம்பித்தான். ஒரு நாள் மகன் தந்தையிடம் கேட்டான் "ஏம்பா நான் எவ்ளோ பெரிய பிரச்சனைனு வந்தாலும் இவ்ளோதானா? அப்படினு கேட்கிற எனக்கும் அந்த பிரச்சனை சுலபமா முடிஞ்சுடுதே எப்படிப்பா?" என்றான். 

அந்த தந்தை சிரித்துக் கொண்டே சொன்னார் " சில வருடங்களுக்கு முன்னாடி பிரச்சனைனா கண்கலங்குவ. நீ கலங்கும் போது அந்த பிரச்சனையை எப்படி தீர்க்குறதுன்றது உனக்கு தெரியாம இருக்கும் நான் இவ்ளோ தானா? அப்படினு கேட்டதும் உன் மனம் இது ஒரு பிரச்சனையே இல்லைனு ஒரு முடிவுக்கு வந்து அந்த பிரச்சனையும் முடிஞ்சுடும். இப்போ எவ்ளோ பெரிய பிரச்சனை உன் முன்னாடி இருந்தாலும் அதற்கான தீர்வு மட்டும் தான் உனக்கு தெரியும். சின்ன வயசில எனக்கு ஏதாவது பிரச்சனைனா என்னை பயமுறுத்த ஆள் இருந்தாங்களே தவிர தைரியம் சொல்ல ஆள் ரொம்ப கம்மியா இருந்தாங்க. அதனால தான் நான் எப்பவும் உன்கிட்ட எந்த பிரச்சனைனாலும் இவ்ளோதானானு கேட்பேன்" அப்படினு சொன்னார். 

நாம எவ்ளோ புத்திசாலியா இருந்தாலும் ஒரு நிமிடம் இவ்வளவா? அப்படினு நினைச்சா நாம அங்கேயே நின்னுடுவோம். ஆனா இவ்ளோதானா? அப்படினு நினைச்சா அதை தாண்டி அடுத்த கட்டத்துக்கு போய்டுவோம்.

If you don't mind, please mind your mind!

 Random Thoughts

If you don't mind, please mind your mind. 

The mind is one of the strange aspects within us. If taken care properly, it acts as a responsible leader in spreading joy not only inside but also to the entire world. On the other hand, if not handled properly, it acts as a cruel enemy to oneself, whom would never have encountered.

The mind always seeks for proud, self proud. It requires continuous motivation to be supplied either within or outside. Inspiration from within we term as willpower and encouragement from outside comes in the form of appreciation.

The funny behaviour of the mind, it always wants more, always seek more. Never it will be contented.

Travelling is seen as the most adventurous in this world for the mind.  If you fear of new experiences, either you have to blindfold it or make it tired. Blindfolding is practically an impossible task (art) because it needs to be done, by the mind only. The only option left out is making it tired or occupy it by performing routines. Routines can be in the name of self or for others, but with dedication. Binding with an object or falling in love with someone, provides immense commitment required for the mind, for the powerful mind, your mind, not to trouble you...

If you don't mind, please mind your mind!!!

-K Vijay Anand

30-09-2020